You are probably wondering what the title is about. I used to be this smart, mature, in-line girl. I had a boyfriend who I was with on and off for a few years, I had good grades at school and for my first year of uni. Then it all changed. See I would get to this point in the relationship where I couldn’t handle it anymore and my mind just got fucked up and thats why we were on and off. This time it was really off for good. It is great because he always made me feel below him and like my beliefs (arty farty quotes and that, and I had an imagination and room for others’ thoughts) were laughable. However, I kind of lost myself. I lost my routine of having a boyfriend and having something to do. It was over the summer holidays. But I got bored and lonely and tried to cover up the pain. I did this by having “fun” - drinking, boys (or more like being used and disrespected by the bad ones), and doing not a lot. After a disastrous night out on saturday, I realized that I had lost this girl that I prided myself on being. I lost my respect for myself, and I pretended I was having fun by doing the whole no strings attached thing with guys, when really I had the film with Ashton Kutcher and Natalie Portman in my mind, and I was hoping I was the exception for every guy. But like Katy Perry says ‘It’s not like the movies’ and it never will be love. I went into these friends with benefits situations knowing I was about to be hurt but just hoping I might not. Who else has done this? And do guys exist that actually want a relationship? Anyway back to what I was saying, I realised I needed to make some changes. Maybe I don’t need to go back to the old me, maybe I should just create a new one? So what I did was I died my hair from blonde to dark brown. Rebellious, I know. Then I booked flights for the following day to see my Mum and family in Wellington, determined to transfer my uni degree there and start a new life. I got there, realised I hate my uni course (Bachelor of Business) and that I want to do Interior Design, it has been my dream for a while. It’s a week into semester one and pretty much everyone said I’m too late and to come back next year. So honestly, what the fuck do I do for a year?
My thoughts are:
- Go to visit family in London
- Visit Aussie family
- Move to wellington and chill
- Camp America
Now all of these are subject to cash moneys as everything is. My family is not made of money either so I’m not sure. But one thing you can probably tell is I’m ALL OVER THE PLACE. One minute I’m fine, next minute I want to move to a new city, now I’m changing degrees and then I’m traveling but I don’t know where. Oh and not to mention that I died my hair, and I may have forgotten to add I had planned to take this year off but I got bored so applied for uni about two weeks before the semester started, they must think I’m an absolute lunatic.
So there is a bit about me and what I am doing at the moment. And to answer my first point, this is Destination Me, because this year or just now, or something, I am on a journey to find myself and stop being the type of girl that the old me used to look down on. I am worth more than this, and boys might laugh at me and say I’m weird or boring or loserish, but by having the ability to say no to their no strings offers, I think I am proving to be just the opposite. I WANT THE STRINGS ATTACHED PLEASE.
Next time I post I will tell you about this amazing new diet I am reading about and I am starting on monday! I will keep my progress updated on here if anyone decides to pay any attention ;)